This is just a quick, short list of some things that bug me. This list could be much longer, but I don’t feel like taking the time to think about things that irritate me right now.
People who think that they have red hair when they don’t
Look, we’d all love to have red hair. It is rare and gorgeous. But according to Wikipedia, only 2 to 6% of the U.S. population has red hair, so chances are, you don’t have it. Happily, red hair is sold in several shades at the box store and is relatively easy and cheap to achieve once you get the hang of it.
Or people who think someone else has red hair, which usually goes something like this:
“You know Judy?”
“Judy who?”
“Judy in accounting.”
“Is she the short one or the woman who always wears a cardigan?”
“She’s the one with auburn hair.”
“You mean the long brown hair or the short curly brown hair?”
“The long auburn hair.”
“No one in accounting has auburn hair.”
“It has sort of auburn highlights ...”
“No it doesn't.”
Mini vans, SUVs and stupid, stupid, big ass trucks
If you have more than two children, or you haul large amounts of things on a regular basis, then I have no objection to your stupid, big ass vehicle. But seriously, most people are just driving those big things around, sucking up gallons and gallons of gasoline, pulling out in front of people driving cars at intersections so we can’t see around you, or boxing in cars in parking lots so that when we go to back out, we have no idea if someone is going to hit us, even though when we parked there was no one next to us, but now there’s a Ford F150 on one side and a big ugly Dodge Caravan on the other. Having one or two kids is not a reason to run out and buy a gigantic vehicle. You can cart your kids around town in a car, and rent a big ass annoying piece of crap van or SUV when you go on vacation. This will save you tons of money in the long run! I can’t emphasize how much I hate your stupid, useless, big ass honkin’ vehicle. I really do. That doesn’t mean that I hate you. I have lots of friends who drive stupid big ass vehicles. (Or maybe now I don’t.)
People who tell you they are bad drivers, after you’ve belted yourself into the passenger seat of their car
This has happened to me a few times in my life. Each time it has been a woman who’s told me she’s a bad driver, because what dude thinks he can’t drive? Also in each case I’ve found that the woman is a perfectly average driver, but I imagine that at some point someone has told her that she’s a terrible driver and she’s internalized it forever. When it happens, I have so many questions:
1) If you really think you’re a bad driver, why are you driving? Are you seriously okay with putting yourself, and others, in mortal danger?
2) If you really think you’re a bad driver, how can you in good conscience DRIVE YOUR CHILDREN AROUND?
3)If you really think you’re a bad driver, how can you in good conscience DRIVE OTHER PEOPLES’ CHILDREN AROUND?
3) WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME THAT WHEN I’VE JUST BELTED MYSELF INTO YOUR CAR? Why wouldn’t you say that before I get into your car so that we can discuss other driving options?
People who are bad drivers who think they’re fantastic drivers
This one just speaks for itself.
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