There's nothing ladylike about being a lady

A few days ago Variety magazine TV critic Brain Lowry wrote a piece about Sarah Silverman’s new HBO standup special. In his review, he laments that such a talented (and good-lookin’!) woman comic would limit her career by having such a dirty mouth:

There’s something simultaneously fascinating and maddening about Sarah Silverman – graced with genuine talent and a well-defined comedic persona on one hand, and a commitment to pushing past the edge in a way that blunts her appeal on the other. Despite all manner of career-friendly gifts – from her looks to solid acting chops – she’s limited herself by appearing determined to prove she can be as dirty and distasteful as the boys, an attribute very much on display in her HBO special “We Are Miracles,” which premieres on Nov. 23.

Frankly, it would be a shame if Sarah Silverman wound up confined to Comedy Central roasts and the occasional special, but that’s about as much mileage as can be expected from her act as presently constituted.

As for going much further with those self-inflicted restrictions, that would be the real miracle.

The whole idea of “being ladylike” or “acting ladylike” is something that has always pissed me off. There have been a couple of times in my life when I’ve considered giving up swearing, and then I thought Why the everliving fuck would I do that? I love to curse. But I’ll never understand why some people think that certain words and behaviors should be off-limits to women, and that “being ladylike” is the only acceptable way for women to behave.

Because there is nothing, I repeat, nothing ladylike about being a lady.

Being a lady means you start bleeding from your hoo-haw sometime between the age of 9 and 15 and try to hide the stains every month for the next 30 to 50 years. Being a lady means always being aware of your surroundings, glancing over your shoulder to make sure no one is following you, especially when you’re walking back to your car by yourself at night. Being a lady means being naked from the waist down spread eagle in stirrups while 15 people you’ve never met in your life wander in and out of the hospital room where you’re giving birth. I could go on, but you get the idea. There’s a whole shit-ton of things that ladies have to deal with that are light years from “ladylike.”

You know how old I was the first time a grown-ass man tried to pick me up? Twelve. I was at a music festival with my mom and brother. I didn’t even understand that this asshat was coming on to me until my mother, to her credit, marched straight over to him and said, “That’s my daughter. Leave her alone.” This is not an unusual experience. When you’re born female, that’s just par for the course. So forgive me if I think that we've earned the right as a gender to let a few colorful four-letter words fly. The idea that women are somehow soft and delicate and must behave as such, while men are tough and hard and have therefore earned some arbitrary right to be course and vulgar, is laughable. I am not saying that being a woman is more difficult than being a man. I’m not saying that women are better than men. I’m saying that we’re equal, and holding women to a different standard of behavior is bullshit.

This is Brain Lowry’s description of himself on Twitter:

Brian Lowry is a critic and columnist for the entertainment trade Variety. He also knows a George Carlin quote for any situation.

So Brian’s a Carlin fan. Huh. Me too. In Brian’s mind, it’s okay for George Carlin to be dirty (and really, has there ever been anyone dirtier than George Carlin?) but not Sarah Silverman, because she’s “limiting herself.” Despite their foul language, George Carlin and Richard Pryor are widely considered to be masters of the spoken language. You know what I think they’d have to say about Brian’s dumb ass review?

Fuck that double standard. Fuck it hard. Fuck it long. Fuck it until it dies.