Tips for my hoes*

The older I get, the more I think about what it means to be a woman on this planet. I also think about all the ways I held myself back when I was younger, whether that was by not standing up for myself or simply not believing I was capable of achieving something. Now that I’m 40 (cough, cough, okay 42) I’ve come to realize that there are still lots of things women tell ourselves that simply aren’t true. Following are a few things I think women should consider:

It is okay to go someplace by yourself
I don’t know how many times in my life I’ve heard a woman say, “I want to go to X, but no one is available to go with me and I can’t go by myself.” Uh ... Yes you can. You are grown. So take your grown ass and do that shit. I’m not talking about walking through a neighborhood that’s known to be dangerous at 2 a.m. But there’s no reason you can’t go to a movie you want to see and no one else does, or to a coffee shop or to that cute new book store by your damn self. No one is judging you for being alone. People really aren’t paying that much attention to you. They’re worried about their own shit. And if they are judging you? Fuck ‘em. Who cares?

We really need to stop talking about losing weight
What we need to talk about is being healthy. That means eating better and getting regular exercise. Obsessing about a number on the scales does nothing but reinforce negative body issues.

Your style is your own. And so is hers
Being a woman, it’s almost impossible not to discuss appearance. But it’s time to change the discussion. We need to stop making appearance so uniform, and so important. We are not all skinny. We do not all have big boobs. We are not all light-skinned. Some of us can't tan. And all of that is okay. If a woman wants to rock a mohawk and hairy armpits while not wearing a bra, that is her business. If a woman wants to be all lipstick and heels and matching handbag, that is her business. We have got to stop tearing each other down and holding each other to ridiculous standards.

We need to learn to take a compliment
This is one that I need to work on, as has been pointed out to me by several friends. New research shows that as a group, women have trouble with confidence, and we’re seriously lacking when compared with men. Not only do we need to learn to take compliments, but we need to give them liberally. Giving a compliment costs you nothing and can really make another person’s day.

You have a brain. And so does your daughter
There is nothing wrong with looking presentable. But your looks are far from being the most important part of your existence. We need to start valuing our minds and abilities above all else, while teaching our daughters that their minds are their most important assets, not their appearance.

You don’t have to get married
You’re not a lesser woman or a lesser person if you’re not with someone else. Women also need to learn that we don’t have to be dependent on a man’s salary to make it in the world. Look, I’m not saying that traditional family building is a bad thing. When it works, it’s wonderful. But as a group, women need to start thinking more about ourselves autonomously than as part of a unit. Then, if the unit thing comes later, it’ll be that much better if we’ve established ourselves as independent people.

You don’t have to have kids
There are plenty of people on this planet. Trust me. I’ve seen ‘em. There’s so damn many of us that we can’t even feed and shelter everybody. If having kids is your dream, go for it. But don’t let your parents or society pressure you into having kids because that’s what you’re “supposed” to do. You are your own person. And women have a lot more to offer the world than just our uteruses.

We need to embrace “Ms” and dump all that other shit
This might seem trivial to some people, but in my opinion it’s a big deal. A dude is a “mister” no matter what, whether he’s single, married or divorced. Most of his life, he’s a mister. But in times-gone-by women were marked with either Miss, Mrs. or Ms. so that everyone knew publicly what her marital status was. And if you think that “Ms.” is only for divorced women, you are flat-out wrong. Ms. is to women as Mr. is to men. It’s for all of us. Women can change the language and get rid of Mrs. and Miss. simply by embracing the prefix “Ms.” no matter our marital status, which includes checking the “Ms.” box on any of those annoying forms you fill out. Pretty soon, they’ll start leaving those other titles off forms altogether.

Learn to change a tire
Yes, we live in the age of cellphones and Triple-A, but that does not mean that someday you might not be stuck on a remote highway somewhere with a dead phone and no charger.  Changing a tire does not have to be a “man’s job.” Tires are not that heavy. Yes, tires are kinda dirty, but that won’t kill you. Sure the lug nuts can be difficult to budge, but you can always step on the wrench to get them loosened. And if some creep pulls over to “help” who makes you uncomfortable, just remember you’ve got a big ass tire iron in your hand.

Stop reading those horrible women’s magazines
Seriously. Just stop. If we all did this, maybe they’d go away.
 
*Yes, I did call you a “ho,” but I called me a “ho” too, and it was a joke, and that shit is funny. AMIRIGHT, BEOTCHES?! Now, in the words of Maya Angelou, “Life’s a bitch. You’ve got to go out and kick ass.”