State hobby lobby lobbies for Hobby Lobby

Oh people. You are wearing me out. I wasn't planning on blogging for a few days, but you’re forcing my hand.

Kansas Attorney General Derek Schmidt has just filed a brief in the U.S. Supreme Court supporting Hobby Lobby’s legal challenge to provide insurance that pays for emergency contraception, as outlined in the Affordable Care Act, or Obamacare if you dig that moniker. (Personally, I do.)

And why, do you ask, would Kansas concern itself with the business of a national craft store? I’m so glad you asked! It’s because Kansans are disproportionately interested in all things artsy-fartsy. 

FACT: No Kansas child is allowed to progress from the 4^th grade to the 5^th without first mastering the ancient art of wheat weaving. FACT: During the great locust plague of 1889, Kansans were able to drive the pests to Missouri by lighting millions of handmade scented candles. FACT: In order to renew his or her driver’s license, every Kansan is required to have no fewer than two Pinterest accounts. FACT.

David Green, owner and CEO of Hobby Lobby Inc., recently published an open letter explaining his objections to Hobby Lobby being forced to provide insurance for its employees that would potentially cover emergency contraception. Here’s a particularly poignant excerpt from that letter:

A new government healthcare mandate says that our family business MUST provide what I believe are abortion-causing drugs as part of our health insurance. Being Christians, we don’t pay for drugs that might cause abortions, which means that we don’t cover emergency contraception, the morning-after pill or the week-after pill. We believe doing so might end a life after the moment of conception, something that is contrary to our most important beliefs. It goes against the Biblical principles on which we have run this company since day one.

You can read the letter in its entirety here.

There are a few problems with this letter, many of which have pointed out by people smarter than me:

1) David Green may “believe” that emergency contraception is an “abortion-causing” drug, but Princeton University has done research that shows otherwise.

2) Hobby Lobby isn’t paying for emergency contraception. Hobby Lobby is paying for insurance. How Hobby Lobby’s employees and its employees’ doctors choose to use that insurance is entirely up to them. Hobby Lobby has no business getting between its employees and its employees’ doctors. Hobby Lobby is an employer. Not a parent. Or a church.

3)The idea that the family that owns Hobby Lobby is so morally outraged about abortion is laughable. The vast majority of Hobby Lobby’s inventory comes from China, a country where abortion is government mandate. (China often denies this, but China denies pretty much everything.) And y’know. Being that China by-and-large isn’t a Christian nation, obviously David Green’s god doesn’t give a rat’s ass about the number of abortions the Chinese perform. Heck, Green’s god is probably happy that a few less Chinese will let the ‘Mericans catch up in the breeding race.

For Kansas to put even a symbolic dog in this fight (and it is one ugly muthafuckin’ dawg) is insulting. It is insulting to me as a Kansan and as a woman. I have chosen to not shop at Hobby Lobby for about a year now. For my state—a state where my ancestors settled five generations ago in order to escape religious persecution—to dare speak on my behalf about a matter so repugnant to me is a real slap in the face. Talk about infringing on rights. Also, doesn’t the Kansas AG have more important things to worry about? Like, I dunno … CRIME IN KANSAS?

Now someone might think that it’s not a big deal for Hobby Lobby to want to opt-out of paying for emergency contraception. According to Drugs.com, the Plan B pill costs approximately 50 bucks. (Notice at the bottom of this screenshot that Plan B cannot be ordered by ladies in Oklahoma. It’s not illegal there, but they have to show ID to buy it.)

Fifty bucks? You might think. Fifty bucks to prevent an unwanted pregnancy ain’t that much. But according to glassdoor.com, the average salary of a cashier at Hobby is only $8.88 per hour:

That means a Hobby Lobby cashier has to work 5.63 hours in order to pay for a one-time use of Plan B. That’s probably about equal to what a Hobby Lobby cashier would spend on food for the week.

The Kansas AG office writes:

Americans may form a corporation for profit and at the same time adhere to religious principles in their business operation. This is true whether it is the [plaintiffs in this case] operating their businesses based on their Christian principles, a Jewish-owned deli that does not sell non-kosher foods, or a Muslim-owned financial brokerage that will not lend money for interest. The idea is as American as apple pie.

Oh, Derek. Notice that in the plethora of examples you’ve given (two), it’s about what the business sells. Not how it treats its employees. Sure, I’m allowed to open a business selling riding crops and chastity belts. Under the ACA, I am not allowed to tell my employees that they must pay for their Viagra out of their own pockets because I think erections are icky. Just like I’m not allowed to discriminate against hiring anyone based on their gender, race, religion, sexual orientation, height, weight, etc. Similarly, if I am an employer who worships the Flying Spaghetti Monster, I am not allowed to tell my employees that they must consume meatballs on Thursdays.

Kansas Attorney General Derek Schmidt is married with two daughters. One would hope that he would ask for his daughters to be treated the same under their insurance coverage, and at work, as he has been.

You can email the Kansas Attorney General’s office here.

Thanks to my friend Jake Vail for the awesome title!